Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
