what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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