there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
