Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
