I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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