Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
