The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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