what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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