Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
