Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
