I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
