I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
