FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
