I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
