Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
