Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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