I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
