if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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