he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
