HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is Oprah even human
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
