God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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Come share oat with me in your robe
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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