You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
