Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
