let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
