I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
