So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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