please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
