My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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