Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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