it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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