I think i peed on brittanys purse
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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