It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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