Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
