"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So. Much. Porn.
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