She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
