Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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