I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
