I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
