I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
