He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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