its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
