Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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