The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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