i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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