i wish starbucks made bloody marys
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
