RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
