apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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