i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
me + whiskey = a bad person
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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