My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize