Just cropdusted the office
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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