Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
