I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
