I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize