You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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