the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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