Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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