Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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