I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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