Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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