remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
