Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't tell me you're on acid again
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize