based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
