I'm really into asian looking animals
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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