Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
