Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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