In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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