The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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